I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
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