you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
Randomize
