When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
we're chasing vodka with high fives
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
Randomize
