don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
Randomize
