Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
Randomize
