Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
Who has the safety vest from this past weekend Additionally, who has the dancemaster glove?
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
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