I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
Randomize
