so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
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