Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
When did we convert life to cartoon?
this celing is unfamiliar to me... im just vaguely wondering where i am. but not quite concerned enough to do anything about it.
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
Randomize
