normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
Just because you are home alone for the weekend doesn't mean you can act like a nudist.
I accept your opinion but respectfully disagree. Also, I'm sitting in your chair.
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
Randomize
