yeah i was sneaking up to her room and on the way i saw a picture of her and left
so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
Randomize
