i love my job...i have craft hour at my desk w twizzlers
can u grab me a application
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
Randomize
