the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
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