so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
If it makes you feel better, you're better at taking it in than ass than she is...
Well...yeah actually, that does make me feel better
I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
Randomize
