Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
Randomize
