i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
Randomize
