Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
I think my nap took me to another dimension
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
Randomize
