i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
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