He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
Randomize
