I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
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