I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
Randomize
