She looked like Sean Connery with cleft lip. So to answer your question, yes I put it in her butt.
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
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