I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
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