I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
Randomize
