Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
This is evicking siegelnvs
Im sorry?
This is fucking ridiculous*
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
Randomize
