she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
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