Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
do you think that identical twins have the same size junk? i just want to know your opinion before i find out.
Randomize
