this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
Randomize
