My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
Although I love the reason it was done, can you maybe not show pictures of my dick to all your friends at parties? I like to present my penis in my own special way. thanks
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
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