I need to stop researching the drugs I do on Wikipedia. The parts about abuse and dependency hit too close to home
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
Randomize
