On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
Randomize
