The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
Randomize
