Just made out with a pet sitter. His biz card says "even hamsters". Lowest point in my life.
theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
I have a number of responses, ranging in content, tone, and maturity. Choose your destiny...
Randomize
