He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
just survived the first fart of the relationship.
My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
Randomize
