i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
Watching her eat just hurts me
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
Randomize
