You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
Randomize
