you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
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