Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
Holy shit dude........stairs
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
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