i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
Randomize
