FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
well i did feel guilty about it. until i saw how hot the guy was the next day. now, nothing but pride.
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
Randomize
