She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
Randomize
