I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
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