I will die if light touches me.
I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
new call of duty comes out in november. guess im not passing my finals
we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
Randomize
