i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
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