I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
Found your dick twin last night
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
Randomize
