my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
Don't make out with my wife yet
Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
Randomize
