Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
get to allyx's house asap
Ok is everything ok
Yeah, theres just lesbians
omg yes on my way
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
Randomize
