and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
Randomize
