Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
He better not be in your backpack
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
did you just send me my own nude
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
Randomize
