If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
wow bdsm is so cute
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
Randomize
