Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
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